Sensitive Emotional Beings

Equines are such sensitive emotional beings.  I feel we often underestimate how sensitive they really are, and it can take potent reminders for us to put things in perspective.

My donkeys are travelling through the various stages of transitioning from a life of confusion, fear and pain.  They are slowly learning to feel safe, to have a voice and most importantly, to be listened to.  They are getting used to a life that is the opposite of what they used to live.

I’ve described before about horses transitioning to R+ and squeezed it into a nutshell.  I am experiencing it all over again with my donkeys.  Even though I’ve been through it before, I now have more knowledge, empathy and expertise than I did then.  I’m learning and evolving all the time, or I hope I am!  But it means that I am noticing even more nuance in the learning AND emotional transition my donkeys are experiencing.

From being afraid and untrusting and running away, they started running towards me.  From flinching and ducking their heads, they target my hand.  From turning away from me when I enter their paddock, they are giving me that distinct laser beam stare of animals who like and value their human, including those enormous donkey ears pricked towards me.  The most special moment was the day I arrived at their paddock, said my usual high pitched “hello”, they raced up and Dorothy brayed right in my face – it was a joyful and very loud sound!!

But it can be a bumpy ride to the other side.

The first bump that I’m aware of, was when everything was going well; training, scratches, hanging out, cuddles and lots of different food enrichment thanks to me going out foraging for the donkeys.  But a strong reminder that my donkeys and I had a long way to go, happened with Seymour.  It could very easily seem like nothing, but it was a big deal to Seymour and so it was a big deal to me as well. 

I had picked some forage – ornamental ginger that I knew my horses liked and presented it to the donkeys, but they were not very excited about it.  Seymour stayed close and kept checking if it was edible and while we were standing together companionably, I noticed a lot of flies biting him on the leg.  Biting flies are a big problem with donkeys.  I used the bunch of stalks and leaves I was holding to gently brush the flies from his legs.  He acted as if I had applied an electric shock and ran away!  Silly me thought something natural like some stalks and leaves would be totally fine.  What was I thinking?!  After that, he was scared and wary of me and did not want to engage and kept his distance from me.  His behaviour was even more interesting, as I had been battling very bad fly strike and had been touching, spraying and applying cream to both the donkey’s legs previously.  But that treatment had all been done in a structured way with food.

This was a big dent in our relationship.  I can’t even call it a withdrawal from our trust account, because quite frankly at this stage, I was working hard to get the whole of humankind out of the red.  I suspect that up to that point, my donkeys were still scared of me to an extent and were taking food and training, but their emotional response had not changed yet.

I was very sad to realise I had scared him and broken the very tiny amount of trust I had so carefully built.  I realised how truly fragile our relationship was and how much work I had ahead of me.

We continued after this and I feel like I had to re-tread old ground and work hard to make it up to Seymour.

Then just as things were going great, I went away for 4 days.  I was co-hosting a multi species animal training workshop and I left my donkeys.  My husband took over their feeding and although I know my husband would never intentionally scare my donkeys, just being a man and a stranger may have been enough to scare and unsettle them.

When I arrived home, it seemed like I had been gone weeks or months as far as my donkeys were concerned.  They alternated between scared, aggressive, kind of angry/annoyed and super super excited that I was back.  The first day when they realised it was me and they heard the rattle of my box clicker and saw the food pouch, they both literally leapt for joy.  They ran and ran and bucked and raced to stand at the gate and breathe very heavily in my face.

But all is not well yet.  As the transition from fear to food continues, it brings up old memories and triggers fear and painful memories, which then bubble up.  They need to be experienced and processed as no longer a concern, but it can be challenging and scary.  They are learning that even though I left, I have returned, and their routine of fun and food continues.

The next step in the transition is to learn they have a voice.  Anyone who has been repeatedly shut down, not listened to or forced, needs to learn that their own behaviour can indeed affect outcomes.  When I tried to spray a graze on Dorothy’s knee, without permission, without training or preparation and without food, I got kicked.  Not a bad kick, but a graze – a warning and a reminder.  If I am going to rehab these animals from trauma, I need to actually take their feelings into consideration!

What was I thinking?!  I wasn’t and we all make mistakes.  I’m lucky that either Dorothy is a bad shot or a really excellent one and she chose to give me a warning and not break my knee cap.  I’m always conscious of safety and always do things and stand in places that are the safest for me and have the least fallout for all of us if things go pear shaped.  I’m very glad my poor decision contributed to nothing more serious than a grass stain on my pants.

Dorothy gave me a valuable and timely reminder.  They are not yet moved over to the bright side.  They are still transitioning from the dark side.  They still need to learn to trust that humans are reliable and dependable and only mean good things.

The problem is that there is no measure of time on how long this will take.  There is a definite process in all of this, but trauma does take as long as it takes to be processed and to be put in the past.  It is urgent to get their hooves trimmed, get them off grass, get them exercised, their teeth done and generally be able to look after their everyday needs.  But I can only go as fast as their precious and sensitive donkey hearts and minds are able to go, after the many years of life experience they have under their donkey belts.

Pauline Keil
Whispering Horse